Friday, November 1, 2013

11.01.13 a new meaning

First of all, allow me to welcome you to my new blog site. Why the sudden change you ask? Well, to be frank, I just became single more than a week ago. I'm not going to talk much about that. After all of it, I was left pained and confused; not knowing what was and what wasn't real. All I can say right now, is that I'm trying to walk down the path of recovery and trying to move on. I must admit though that I cried until I felt I couldn't cry anymore; like it all dried up and that on the surface of my cheeks, just below my eyes, they left tracks. This is me experiencing my first heart break and the quote below sums the feeling up.

“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted, for having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain. Damn, there's nothing like that, is there? I've been there and you have too. You're nodding your head.” ― Henry Rollins

BRIGHTER SIDE: In the midst of my agony, I realized something. I stopped crying and told myself that I'm tired of it, and I would love to see other people smile. I'd love to see them smile, because of me. So, I plan to do more charity work. I know I won't be able to do big things yet, but I'd like to think that small things can make a difference as well. Those small things would be my stepping stones.

I strongly believe in God, and that He has plans for me.

True great friends resurfaced to help me out. Two of them helped me more than anyone else. Both of them are very frank, have strong personalities, make great points, and give very good advice. I guess, they are the "signs" I asked from God.

One of my friends became my free psychological therapist. We talked about unwinding, and we ended up wanting to travel. So....... we did.

It was so spontaneous. That's what made that trip fun. We planned for it just a little. And the extent of how little that plan is, is directly proportional to how little our money was. hahaha! I literally had just enough to keep myself from starving when we get there.

We arrived a few minutes past 2am. The hours of travel made my buttocks hurt. haha. It was freezing out. We managed to find a place to stay with the help of the local governments "tourist assistance" team.

At 7am we went out. Our agenda: eat breakfast, walk, see tourist destinations, take photos, eat, walk again, see tourist destinations, take photos, do more walking, get lost a bit, have an adventure of some sort, and make a kid in need smile. We managed to do everything.

About "making a kid smile", I told my friend of my plan right away. I was actually hoping to find a kid whom I could give food too, but we couldn't find anyone that morning. But, just like life always does to us, when you stop trying so hard to search for something, it eventually finds you instead.

While my friend bought all the "pasalubong" for her friends and family (and making me carry a lot of stuff with her. haha), a little kid with huge plastic bags approached us and said "Ate bili na po kayo ng plastic sakin. Limang piso lang po. Pang-kain ko lang ho." "Ate, please buy some plastic bags from me. It's only 5 that I could buy food." We bought from him of course. Not only did we actually need the plastic bags, but we wanted to help him as well.
As I said earlier, I didn't have much money. And so, I just grabbed what I could inside my bag and gave the money to him (beside the 5 peso payment). I told him "Pang-kain mo talaga dapat yan ha?" "That should really be for your food ok?", and he smiled and replied "Opo ate! Ipangbabaon ko pa po ito sa school!" "Yes ate! I'll even use this for school money!" My heart smiled, and it showed on my face when he said that. I said to myself "this kid's parents are still doing their best to make him go to school". I find it sad when parents make their kid stop going to school and make him work instead. Work and only work at such a young age. It depresses me. But, this kid made my day complete, and most importantly, gave me hope.

(My friend and I bought a bottle of Soju. We got curious as to what it tasted like, because it's often seen on Koreanovelas. After one tiny tiny shot glass of it (it wasn't even half full), we didn't have any of it anymore. hahaha. We put it in our what's left in our shot glass into our huge glass of iced tea; just so it wouldn't go to waste. LOL. :)
I'm not a drinker. I don't even know what beer tastes like. So, I know I'm not nearly eligible enough to comment on how Soju tastes like. If it were wine though, maybe I could make a comment. :D

Again, welcome to my new blog site. I wil try something new next time. I'll record videos of me for all of you to see.
Signing off for now ~ Janine

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